They teach you that boots make perfectly good gloves,
that sometimes when you are playing "paint" on the computer, you realize it'd be very cool to transfer your creation onto your body, even though you are three and perfectly aware that you aren't supposed to draw on your body - you have to make exceptions (and you know you are really cute and can get away with most things if you repeatedly say "It's a assident mom"!
They make being tickled look like utter enjoyment,
and they wake up with crazy splotches ALL over their body
that continue to multiply, swell, and turn into bruises (Erythema Multiforme from a virus he had the couple weeks prior - look it up, causes much more fuss than is needed)
and then 5 days later look as if they never had a problem on their perfectly beautiful, smooth skin....